so, i am almost done reading the book. and i have to say, i have learned a whole lot. i was first wanting to write about each chapter, but then i realized that i am not the best at summarizing anything.

however, i have learned so far-in more or less words-: i need to calm down in situations with my children, and in life in general. i can not control anyone else. only how i react in situations. interactions with my children are not "battles"(like when people say "pick your battles").
i need to give my children space, and that they can learn important lessons when i let the consequence do the screaming and not me! there was a part in the book that was using spanking as an example: what is your motivation for spanking? why do you want to spank? If you say that you do not want to but you believe it is needed, then you are not acting with integrity, You never have to do anything that you don't want to do. You are an adult, and you make every choice. If you spank without wanting to, then you need to focus on yourself more. Why would you choose a consequence for your child if you did not want to choose it? Because he needed it? For what? Behavior modification? To calm him down? To show him who's boss? Spanking when/if you dont want to is communicating that you are at your wits' end and you don't know what else to do but resort to the most base-level power you have: Physical size and Strength.

the most important point that i have grasped so far is that i need to focus on ME first. here is a little quote from the chapter in the book "Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First." ....."Without proper levels of oxygen, our brains do not function as they should. Our judgment becomes impaired, and we are unable to perform the simplest tasks. ...here's the truth about airplane crises-and about life in general-and the amazing wisdom from the airlines: If you're grasping for breath, you can't help anyone else."

so yeah, i just am happy to be starting a new approach to parenting. and all that jazz

I got a book at the Library called "ScreamFree Parenting. The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool." By: Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT., I have decided to read it and blog/journal as I go through it so others can learn/hear about what I am learning, but mostly so I can fully grasp what the author is trying to tell/teach me. I am tired of screaming at my kids, it is all i am used to. My mom used to scream at us growing up, I know it NO other way..I read the Forward, he told me not to flip ahead, but to read the enitre book. I read that he is going to be sharing stories from families he has worked with, so i could hear specific examples and to relate.
so I will try to write after every chapter. 
I am off to start...

( BOOK )

check out our new website. it's photos and our blog.
themartensfamily.shutterfly.com

Earlier this month(Dec. 2008), Nicola Wood, 27, was reprimanded for breastfeeding her baby during a carol service at St Peter's Cathedral, Exeter.

"My little boy Theo, who is six months old, was getting hungry, so I started to breastfeed him, but all I could hear was a woman a few pews back moaning and saying, 'oh my God, how disgusting'," she said.

"Then she came up to me at the end of the service and said, 'as long as this cathedral has been open I have never seen anyone as disgusting as you in church. You might as well have been naked and peeing in the church'. It ruined the whole service for me."

www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology/technology/facebook/4029868/Breastfeeding-photo-ban-by-Facebook-sparks-global-protest-by-mothers.html

i haven't posted anything in a long while. i guess mostly in part to the fact that i don't really ever know what to post. i was sitting here, and i realized that this is kinda just supposed to be a journal, a rambling of sorts. that's how most of my journals are. me..rambling about just about nothing.
and then there is times when i have a specific thing that want to post/write about. and i feel so much better once it is off my chest.

for instance, i was talking with Brian today and i realized that we as Christian's (including me) wont support certain issues if "non-Christians" support them. we were talking about caring for God's creation, and how Christians (i used to feel this way) don't think it is a big deal to take care of the planet. i have heard and said things like "i wont be here to see the aftermath.." it would be like not taking care of a vehicle that we are going to pass down to our kids because "we aren't going to be driving it"  i feel the reason Christians don't want to protect God's creation is because they might be compared to "hippies" or "crazy liberals".
it shouldn't matter what people call us, right? We need to do what is right and God put us in charge of His creation. i mean at least stop living in excess!!!!!! stop using double the plastic bags at grocery stores, or what's more stop using plastic bags and use re-usable bags. i want to start composting our scrap food(of course i don't know where to start, but i am willing to try). we make our own baby wipes. i would like to eventually use reusable wipes. i haven't gone the cloth diaper route. but i want to and commend those who do. it would save a whole lot of waste if we switched to cloth instead of throw away. so i am not perfect. never said i was. but i hope to at least start with a few things and then get involved with more ways to help keep this beautiful Creation beautiful!

i am getting better from this cold of mine. the boys are still a little sick too. i pray that we are better soon.

we are watching the "pirate's who don't do anything" movie. it's a veggie tales movie. we are at the part where the cheese puffs become alive and start attacking the little gourd guy. Isaac told me that it was scary. i mean it IS a little scary!

THE END for now
 

i am tired and i wish i had a car cause i want to drive somewhere. the mall sounds nice. i want to find something on clearance at forever 21 or some cute accessories.
today is my 23rd bday. weird.
we are having like chili for lunch/dinner.
but the fun stuff happens on thursday when we go to the movies! yea. i want to see changeling. hopefully it is really good.
anyway. if anyone wants to go, let me or brian know.

so i am still tired.

It's crazy that as of late I have had this bitter taste in my mouth for the institution and traditions of Sunday morning "church". I feel almost lied to, and hindered because of the indoctrination that Sundays are the time when we "worship" and are in the "Presence of the Lord". I can't see myself attending another Sunday morning charade, with it's cast of characters. i find it frustrating that the Holy Spirit is hindered from using every member of the Body of Christ. Have you heard the answer to this...oh, i have (usually said with a chipper smile) "we would love to use everyone, you can be a greeter or pass out communion, or..." HA. That isn't what Paul intended when talking about our gifts, it isn't written "and to one the gift of coffee making, and to another the gift of bulletin stuffing.."(Read 1 Corn. 12)
We tend to believe(or involuntarily act out) that only a few "Head" people (or even only ONE person) in a "church" are blessed with gifts to minister or to share with the other believers what the Lord has been doing in their lives, or share a song on their heart. It is left to a small few "chosen ones"....The common response I encounter when asking "Why not let everyone share?" is really a fleshly fear and not a spirit led peace.. "but, if everyone can share, what if someone says something that isn't what i believe, or what if they aren't mature enough". You see if we all were able to share, then there will be more understanding of our fellow believer, and we can really address issues in each others lives. You don't have to go to college to know how to pray for a fellow believer who is struggling or who needs a shoulder to cry on. If a group of people who meet together to fellowship as believers(sans maybe a few) are all filled with the Holy Spirit and have Christ as the Head, they are going to always focus back to Christ and give Him glory. I challenge all of us to try this.

Some one needs to go to seminary to share what the Lord has placed in their hearts? FALSE. We have created this glorified position in the Church, that there is this one, go-to-guy(and this one guy isn't Jesus) if ever there is a problem or need amongst a congregation. Due to the fact that this one guy is "schooled" leads us to believe that he must have all the answers and is the end all to our problems(imagine the pressure on his shoulders?!).
However, if we were to follow the appropriate example that Christ is the Head, then we would be seeking Him FIRST. and then our brothers and sisters. With this method, there is not pressure on one person to guide us to the answer, we would seek Christ for the solution and then our brothers and sisters, elders and others second, if needed for possible understanding or prayer, etc.

I know that I do not fully understand everything that was intended for us as Christians, the Church, the Body. I do know that I am am on the right track and i am eager to see what else the Lord has in store to show me in my life and in the Church body that I am a part of.

I have decided to start reading Paul's letters in chronological order....so I am off to Galatians.

* i wanted to say how much i love kaite P. and i wanted to share that i am praying for you sister. and my prayers are that the Lord sends comfort. and understanding and peace. Lord, Be with Katie and all of her family in this time. You are our comfort and our strength, please be theirs right now and forever.

*so, i watched DAN IN REAL LIFE lastyesterday, i REALLY enjoyed it. there was a moment when i had the "pregnancy tears" and almost lost it. but i pulled myself together to finish and it was fantastic.
 

*we have basically decided on baby names:GIRL: Marlene Marie(or middle:Abigail) Martens
BOY: Jude (not sure on middle possible: Jonah, Peter, Thomas, or Samuel) Martens

Being a mom is really different. i dont think that non-moms can understand the emotions that i am experiencing.
i think that "mother's day" can't and shouldn't be a one day a year thing. you know?
i know that moms are not appreciated enough.

so Happy mother's day/life, mommies! you are doing a great job at being loving and patient to those screaming kids who drive you crazy. on those days when you just want to be alone and shower longer than 4 minutes, remember that we are (hopefully) going to be thanked one day out of the year. hehe

 attention to those who think that once a year is all that moms need, you're wrong we typically feel unappreciated and need to feel validated.
maybe i am just speaking for myself. so if you are feeling guilty for not telling me how great of a mom i am and how much i have sacrificed for my kids, maybe you should get on it.

i am tired

KATIE PIKE CALL ME DANGIT 803-556-7528

i have been attending an awesome small group/bible study(we are doing the Kay Arthur, inductive study bible, in & out series on covenants.) it's a great little group of married mommies. i am so grateful to the Lord for blessing me with this church of friends. i know that the Lord is blessing us and there is def no question about it.

well, i had homework this week. we had to write a poem of what God is revealing to us this week. and this is what i came up with.

untitled.
In this world full of beauty-
ugliness and decay are found
in every culture.

In this nation of abundance-
loneliness, poverty and suffering
abound.

In this city of mansions and silicone-
selfishness, debt, vanity corrode what
no surgeon can repair.

In my home-
a present war of sorts;
struggles of lust and lies.

In my soul-
Self-pity, body image distortion
battle to control me.

In my Lord's arms-
I find my true rest
In Him there is no greater peace.

IN SUPER AWESOME GREATER NEWS:

we have a van! it works! and now brian wont have to ride his bike in the 115 degree weather in the summer. The Lord Jesus blessed us with this gift and my heart is so happy..here is a list of other things that the Lord has given us since we moved back :
a california king bed, dresser, night stand, two floor lamps, a crib and two crib mattresses(one is for the crib and the other for Isaac's toddler bed.) a tv, two sweet chairs(i need to put some pictures of them.)and a computer monitor(steve says he has a computer for us..)oh,  and of course our VAN!!!

remember everyone, our God provides!!

so, i am bored, i never know what to post about on here cause my life is pretty much the same everyday.

we could use a little prayer right now.
we really need a vehicle at this moment...i would be able to spend more time with brian(whom i love) if we had one. i didn't realize how much we really do rely on vehicles.

prayer #2: that God softens my heart, i get so angry inside when i see someone who doesn't feel the same way about parenting as i do. i just want every mom to feel the same way about their babies/children as i do. and then i get mad when they don't have the same parenting style. ...right this second i just realized that it is possible to feel the same way as i do about your child and that there are different styles of parenting that can get to the same results/love.............inhale, exhale
 
some other cool news. i am now in an awesome new bible study (it's with the "inductive bible study series") i am meeting new friends and it's really great. i need some more friends, i am so glad that we are back. 
my depression has subsided. i don't feel lonely any longer. it's wonderful

we are back. you know you wanna chill with us.
i like ice cream sandwich ice cream...

 

is back on live journal everyone. if you haven't added her, here's your chance!

her name: momk

do it!

i need a shower. and i'm mad. we had $105 dollars in overdraft fees this week. i'm frustrated cause, we were doing so good, watching where the money went and everything.


oh, well.


just mad. and i need a shower

i thought this was funny

the Lord is so good and He provides all that we need.
last night at 9 pm, our door bell rang. brian answered it and there was no one there. on the ground was a newspaper folded and attached w/ gum!
inside was $110 dollars!!
the news paper was hand written "for jen and brian, look at the birds of the air... are you not worth more than they?...seek first the kingdom of God and his Righteousness and all these things will be added to you. MT 6"